Monday, July 26, 2010

Rush of Emotions

Today has just been a rush of emotions. I Don't even know where to start

The Quiet escape of Idaho, the sun, a good book, and music have all been my escape. And maybe a couple of other things.

Today memories have been flooding back. Today I have been remembering all of the incredible and all of the hard. How much I have grown, learned, how much left I still have to live. I am happy but at times incomplete. I am so grateful today for the people I have met who have changed my life. Who have shown me what true happiness is. Who are incredible because it's who they are and not just what they do. I am so so grateful and changed because of these few. Some I have known forever and some just a short time but regardless of the time I have been changed and blessed by them. So thank you

Today I have been wondering... Do we ever really fully know who we are? Or are we always changing. How do you keep up? Is the good in us permanent or does is sometimes fade and what happens when the bad or the hard comes out? I have been thinking today that I want to be that great girl because its who I am and not just how I act. I hope I am this person. If I ever falter it will only be for a moment.
There are SO many things I want out of life that its almost overwhelming. And they're not physical things but more emotional, not always tangible, security oriented. I want to know that I am always going to know who I am. So thank you for those who help me remember it.

I love the person that I am today. No regrets. Forever learning. Always growing

Monday, July 12, 2010

My pursuit


Many people pursue their lives in search of happiness. The ones who truly have it are the ones who make their own happiness.

So i had to take at least 5 minutes out of my day to just write... I'm going crazy and this seems to always calm me down.

Last week... Well it just sucked lets say that. I'm trying to be in better spirits this week, stay busy, focus on school, be optimistic as to the turn out of things, and go with the flow. I don't know whats going to happen with things.

Nothing is Definite. Nothing is Certain. That's at least one thing I have learned. I just want to be happy and for those I love to be happy. I genuinely do. And in the end I hope that I have a big part in making them happy and visa versa. There is so much to live for and so many GOOD things in life! Second and Third chances can work out. I have found that one of two things can happen, either nothing will change and things will go back, or a Huge change can take place offering whole, new incredible experiences made up of just being better and an overall better life.
I hope for the latter. Won't settle for the first.

So no plans are ever definite. I love family, I love friends, I love Love. I have come to accept that there will ALWAYS be something that's wrong in life and that it's hard whether its money (lack there of), family, work, or just life! But in that always be your best self and be happy. Live your day, love always, and just work at being happy.

Many people pursue their lives in search of happiness. The ones who truly have it are the ones who make their own happiness.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Lately

So LATELY....

Its been crazy this week! So much to do so busy with school and so many other things! Ah! I cant wait to be home out of Rexburg and with FAMILY!! I love my friends but other than that.. Other people here drive me CrAzY!! Who the heck goes to IDAHO for school? I do. loved it, learned from it, now ready to get the Hell out. :) I'm excited to get back to normal life with normal friends. But today I am grateful for so many things -Life can be really great if you just let it.

Lately i have been worrying about so many things that are just out of my control. I have let it almost ruin my life these past months. Im ready to be me again. Fun, happy, outgoing me. I am confident in who I am and what I want out of life. So no more worrying. Just let it all go. People will ALWAYS let you down, hurt you, lie to you, and mistreat you. I have just learned to be patient, be better than that, and be happy. Everyone deserves more than they think. So i try to keep surrounding myself with people who will want to make me happy and who I love. and hopefully I can make the ones I love and have let down happy as well. :) we are not as perfect as we may think.

But those are just a few thoughts as of lately!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Last Weekend

So this past weekend was Kevin's last weekend in Rexburg :( Sad I know.. Pretty depressing.

But we tried to make the best of it! So just a little update on the last happenings.. A small group of close friends threw Kev a surprise "We'll miss you/ Happy Birthday" Party. Best thing was.. He really had no idea this time- which they usually do. And it was so hard to keep it from him because the kid is a freakin genius! But it was great fun with all of our close friends. His bosses even came :)

Also it was the 4th of July weekend! We ended up going to Idaho Falls to watch the big firework show. Apparently its the biggest one West of the Mississippi. (ps every time I spell Mississippi I have to sing that song we all learned in grade school).
But it was a great show! it lasted forever! I know this might sound way corny but it has always been a wish of mine to watch a pretty fireworks show on the 4th with someone I love and care about. This year it finally came true and it was just nice.


Monday morning was the morning of doom.. The day Kevin had to leave. Needless to say I was not in the best spirits. Too many times I have had to say goodbye. Granted its really not going to be for that long but it's still hard. When you spend every moment of your spare time with someone you love, you kind of feel completely empty once they're not there anymore. That's how I felt today. Empty. I got along fine by keeping busy but the situation just sucks. But home is where he needs to be right now. It is where he is needed most. So time for me to stop being selfish and let things happen the way they need to. :)

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