So.... Here's the deal lately. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a bad blogger, for only writing about the superficial lately, for not putting my true self out there. The thing is, everyone has a certain angle with what they write about to complete how they want to portray their blog.
When I started this blog, I told myself I would write about life, put my whole self out there - especially the bad. I would be real and genuine because this was the one place I could put my true self out there. I wanted that to be my angle. It's funny how its easier to tell a stranger the deeper parts of yourself.
But for some reason I lost sight of that, and I'm sorry. For those of you who enjoy the simple, everyday Pinterest pictures and fashion ideas, this might not be the go to place to always get that. Yes, occasionally I will submit those posts as I enjoy them as the next person, but I want/ need to start getting real again.
Life isn't perfect. We can portray it as such, and there are wonderful moments in time where it is, but it doesn't always last. I graduated with a Business Degree in December 2010. Landed and AMAZING first job with an IT company as a consultant for the CDC... as in Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Talk about a lucky break. I prided myself in telling people I was a consultant for the CDC and loved to watch their reaction of impressed, raised eyebrows and "Good for you, wow"s. I loved that my parents bragged about their daughter with the big job right out of college who made lots of money... Well here's the reality.
Due to my lack of due diligence and watchful eye, there was a problem with my health insurance. Last November, as many of you might remember, I had a crazy, awful knee injury that included ambulance and hospital. I am fine today but my bank account is not. It's funny how one little thing can set you back financially for years. Overall, it was about $6,000. And I'm still paying it off. I had 3 weeks until I would have been fully covered again, but the damage was done.
Today, with my company being consultants for the Government - we have to re-bid on our contracts after a certain time period has passed. After re-bidding, losing out to another company, protesting the loss of the award, and being denied again due to political agendas and peer-favoritism, our company is at a stand still with CDC consultants. So in short? I am forced to look for a new job.
Gratefully, I have some time until I am technically "laid-off" and I am blessed with an amazing mentor who has been looking out for me since day one. But the process is stressful and downright makes me dizzy and sick to my stomach. I stress over becoming a statistic of today's economy.
With this, I find myself mad, angry and stressed. But in these moments I have to remind myself. I do not live to work. I work to live. And this is but a small trial and I will get through this. I can let this experience make me bitter, mean, and hardened, or I can learn from it and let it make me a stronger and wiser woman. I am choosing the latter as hard as it is.
And lastly, I am dealing with the loss of a relationship, a first love and a best friend. We do not talk, and each day is hard. I know this is for the best right now and feel in my heart that our paths are not meant to be parallel right now. Our roads came to a point where we both needed to take separate paths and become who we were meant to be. The hardest part is not the romantic loss, but the loss of your confidant, your best friend, your equal, and the person who was by your side for the greater portion of your life and upbringing. But I know with all my heart that its for the best right now.
So there you have it, my life is not perfect. I have good days and bad days. But I am happy, even with this. And this too shall pass.