Thursday, November 10, 2011

Things I Do On Morphine: Squirm Alert

Happy Thursday! If you dont have the full time to read... Please skip to the most embarssing points of the story below the pics...

As promised... I will divulge why I did not write a post on Tuesday. Many Apologies again. As some of you know, I am on a city Kickball Team - Go BallRockers!- that plays once a week against teams in our league. We have been pretty much undefeated all season and Monday was tournament time.

We had won our first game and were in the 6th inning of the second. I was covering second base and we were doing our best to hold them. Next thing I know, There is a runner coming from first, I turn to catch the ball for an easy out then jfsoidafjnsdciopsdajerao. The runner slides into second, takes me out.. then I feel it. Insert Curse word here. My knee completely shifts out of place. I dislocated me knee ccompletely out of place.

I fall to the ground and scream in pain... Grab my knee, and curl into the fetal position. So natural right? Another curse word. Never before had I felt so much pain. The thoughts of "get me drugs now!", "Put me out of my misery", and "make it stop" went through my mind over and over again.
You could immediately see how out of place it was. It looked incredible and awful at the same time. It was no bueno.

Because of how our field is positioned, we had to call an ambulance. After an eternity and yelling to the other team that we automatically win because of this, the paramedics show up. I am not going to lie, a piece of me was sad that these weren't hot men. They start looking for veins to give me the elixir of life- morphine..

Then I hear... "Are you alive? You have NO veins!"... Seriously? 30 minutes goes by on the field... I am in shock, shaking, in pain, and just want the morphine. Then I hear the dreaded words... "forget it, lets get her to the hospital".. What? Give me morphine NOW! You have been sticking me over and over again I deserve something! Finally, we get in the ambulance. The last try (after EIGHT attempts) finally works and I get the pain soldier that battles the bad stuff away. Story continued after pictures... it gets good


Can I please profess my hatred of crutches? Thanks. THEY'RE AWFUL!!!
Moving on.......So after a second dose of morphine wonderfulness... I begin singing to the entire hospital staff... Lets please note all the embarassing moments:

1. Singing "Brother for Sale" by Mary-Cate and Ashley Olsen
2. Crying! and professing my love for the Olsen Twins. Yes, crying
3. Telling the X-ray tech he looks like the scarecrow man from batman and maybe hitting on him
4. Singing Queen's Bohemian Rahpsody at the top of my lungs
5. Telling the male nurse he had major "Swag" with his Gucci glasses
6. Singing "I believe I can Fly" from Space Jam
7. Telling my dad that another boy thought my Butt looked awesome in the pants they just cut
8. Asking to be carried like a princess so that we could be like Shrek and Pheona and live as happy ogres in the forest of love
9. Free-Style rapping that went something like "My dad is trippin.. he's pimpin..."... Yah
10. Shooting invisible webs from my wrist at people because I was SpiderMan

And there you have it. Please let the sympathy pour in.


Kelle said...

Oh my goodness! I hope you recover quickly. Knee injuries are the worst. I am also on crutches right now with a knee injury. Feel better soon.

elise said...

oh lady. first- you are amazing. second- this post is hilarious. third- you are such a trooper. fourth- wish i could have been there to sing with you! :)

Anonymous said...

OMG, im so sorry this happened to you! oh dear i do hope you get better soon, on the bright side you look cute ;-)

Mary and Dyer said...

omg no!!! feel better... that looks like it was pretty awful!!! xox

I just became your newest follower! I would love for you to check out my blog & follow back if you'd like!


Asha said...

Awwww POOR THING!!! I can't believe you went through that! On the bright side, you can totally pull off that huge leg-brace thing :)

I really do hope you feel better soon, and that everyone forgets your 'morphine high', haha!

Summer-Raye said...

AH! Heal quickly!

Id love for you to follow my blog, let me know and Ill be sure to follow you back!

Cant wait,

erica marie said...

The injury sounds so painful, thankfully I haven't experienced the awfulness of crutches but I can only imagine. You are pretty funny when you are on morphine, it sounds like it was hilarious to be around you.

xo erica

Gaby said...

oh no that sounds horrible! i was on crutches for a month a long time ago and it SUCKED!!! hope it gets better soon :)

Denise said...

hahaha best story EVER!! Morphine totally messes me up too! At least you won your game though, right?? I hope you have a quick recovery!! :)

Jessica Wray said...

dang girl! OW! I can imagine how awful crutches would be... you poor thing

Melissa said...

Oh my gosh, as hilarious as your list of fun morphine activities is, your poor knee!! That's awful and I hope your recovery is quick. xo


J and A said...

Crutches are not fun! :( Poor girl!

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