Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Getting Personal

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SO I have been thinking. A lot of the time I share general stuff on this little blog here and occasionally I share some personal stuff. It was nice to get real on my Vlog last week and give you some one on one time into more about myself with questions you had asked. But I want to be able to open up and share my life, sometimes its just a little scary.

So right now, there has been A LOT weighing on me in certain areas of life. Mainly: Relationships. Sigh, I know many of you have stopped reading here. But if you're still here, I would love some words of encouragement.
So here's the deal - and I hate this. But I do not want to be in a relationship right now. Period. Point blank. I'm not ready. I firmly believe and feel that:
1. You can not truly make a significant other happy unless you, yourself are happy.
2. You need to learn who you are first prior to finding an identity in a relationship.
3. It is essential in life to have a "you" phase prior to settling down, *if given the opportunity.

I feel like am already a go with 1 and 2. This is the first time in my post-adolescent, adult life that I am comfortable with who I am, and I am learning how to be happy even when not in a full-on relationship (Its still an on going process)
But here's the other deal. I have pretty much ALWAYS had a guy in my life in some way, shape, or form since I was 15... This is the first time in my adult life that I have truly had the opportunity to focus on MYSELF.
I am the type of person that when I am in a relationship, I give my whole self to that person. I will always put that person's will and well being above my own. And that's how I am always going to be. And when I get married and start having children.. Game over... I will NEVER put myself first ever again.
With that, this is the first and last time in my life that I will EVER have the opportunity to selfishly and un-guiltily put myself first. Shouldn't I be able to give that opportunity to myself? But for some reason, I feel like a horrible person doing it.

I have seen and witnessed first hand what its like when parents live their lives without ever having put themselves first - *** Please let me acknowledge, some people or parents do not have this choice, and some people choose unselfishly to not take this road. And yes, in many instances they are still an INCREDIBLE parent - I am grateful and in admiration of these people.
But also, that being said, I feel like if we have the opportunity, if given, to have a period in our lives where we only focus on ourselves, we should take it. In the other non-rare instances I have witnessed, I feel like those I have seen are better parents, more patient, more giving, and once again - more patient-when they have had periods in their life to mainly focus on themselves.
I feel like not a lot of people realize this, and that's why there are a lot of lazy parents out there and an over abundance in lack of respect and human regard. More and more I see selfish children and selfish parents which rear a new generation of un-respectable people. Harsh, but this is how I feel, and I apologize if this offends.

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I want to be the best wife, mother, friend, and servant that I can be. And for me- personally - I feel like taking this given opportunity to fully focus on myself is what will make me a better person in the future. Should I feel guilty about this? Because I don't want to, but sometimes I do. And it weighs heavy on my heart, and I know that this choice can hurt others, which makes me second guess. I'm at a crossroads and don't know how to proceed.

12 comments:

Shane said...

Awh keep your head up girl! You can only rely on yourself for your happiness, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel soon :)

xo Shane

Anonymous said...

wow. I don't think I have ever agreed with a blog post more. I have seen friends who jump from boy to boy, with no time for themselves in between. And ultimately they end up unhappy in the relationship.

It breaks my heart because I really don't think you can fully happy in a relationship, until you are on you own first. You need to figure out what makes you happy, before bringing another person into the relationship.

You are so strong for realizing this! You have plenty of time to figure everything out, and there is no harm in being selfish for a bit!

p.s. I am hosting a giveaway on my little blog! I would love for you to check it out!

http://allkindsofcomplicated.blogspot.com/2012/03/livy-love-giveaway.html

Kai.Mercado. said...

p.s. that last post from Anonymous was me! I don't know why it showed up like that lol

Katie Mac said...

You are doing what is absolutely right. I had a period of almost three years where I wasn't in an official relationship, yes I dated but nothing serious. I had to find myself during that time, and I am beyond grateful that I did. I feel that I am truly more prepared for the journey that I am now on. Enjoy this time you have, do what you want when you want. When you have the right person comes along you will be more than ready and truly happy to be there.

Shalyce said...

DO NOT feel guilty! You do what you want in this time of your life.

Hilary Anna said...

aww girl. You should definitely take this time and just do things that you want to do! Do you have any life goals that you want to accomplish? Why not work at them now and do them! There is no better time :) You will feel so good and who knows, maybe a good guy will see how empowering and independent you are and you will find the right one!

You shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to better yourself for the future. Don't worry, everything will fall into place! :)

Halle said...

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Please check out my blog as well at classicglamblog.blogspot.com

If you like it, follow! I will gladly return the favor.

Best,
Halle at Classic+Glam

Denise said...

You are not being selfish at all, in my opinion! Everyone needs time to find themselves, to put themselves first! I think it's great that you've confronted this issue :)

Girl With A Pearl Earring said...

We all need some time to ourselves. You should not feel guilty at all! In order to be the best that you can be when it comes to being in a relationship, having kids, being a wife, etc. you need to have given yourself that time to yourself where all that mattered was you otherwise by the time you reach that point in your life, you'll be exhausted. Even if you want to give your 100% that exhaustion will hold you back. Take time to make it all about you, the future you will thank you.
Stay Classy
X

steph said...

psh, don't feel guilty. you're completely 100% right. and i love the way you write.
girl thanks for your comment-- you made my day. literally! and as for blog design.. yes, i do those. your's is already so gorgeous, but i'd be happy to whip something up for you.
stay sweet.

Shannon Gallegos said...

Wow Lindsay... my husband and I were just having this conversation. I hadn't quite the opportunity to be selfish (I hate calling it that because it's not selfish really) and have me-time growing up -but that's a long story on why. I did know marriage at its best is two servants in love. And when we got married we both immediatley and still do love to serve one another. I also need some quiet time/me time of exploring and expressed this to my husband who was out of this world brave and so sweet to actually know I needed this and within 3 months completely uproot us for a whirlwind adventure states away in Colorado. (another long story) Then we had a baby boy and I give him every last ounce of me. He is now 6 months... and just today I was telling me husband I think it's time for me to have a weekly "me/down time" -so I can rejuvenate and by doing so remain steady and true and a better parent. I am his caregiver 24/7 and so even a weekly 2hour break while the lil one is at Grandma's sounds like a winner and I know deep down is not only okay but right! Cheers for as my hubs likes to say, "thy duty to know thyself'! Really enjoyed your post -when your eternal teammate comes along -he'll be quite lucky to have you!

Carly Ann said...

I would like to say that i agree with you completely. a relationship can be hard when you aren't fully happy yourself. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years and I am finding now that I feel unfair to him sometimes. I am not happy with myself right now, and I know it affects our relationship. Sometimes I feel like it would be more fair to him if we took a "break" for me to work on myself for a while. But I'm going to just stay focused on fixing myself while still trying to give him what he deserves from the relationship.

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