Getting Personal

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SO I have been thinking. A lot of the time I share general stuff on this little blog here and occasionally I share some personal stuff. It was nice to get real on my Vlog last week and give you some one on one time into more about myself with questions you had asked. But I want to be able to open up and share my life, sometimes its just a little scary.

So right now, there has been A LOT weighing on me in certain areas of life. Mainly: Relationships. Sigh, I know many of you have stopped reading here. But if you're still here, I would love some words of encouragement.
So here's the deal - and I hate this. But I do not want to be in a relationship right now. Period. Point blank. I'm not ready. I firmly believe and feel that:
1. You can not truly make a significant other happy unless you, yourself are happy.
2. You need to learn who you are first prior to finding an identity in a relationship.
3. It is essential in life to have a "you" phase prior to settling down, *if given the opportunity.

I feel like am already a go with 1 and 2. This is the first time in my post-adolescent, adult life that I am comfortable with who I am, and I am learning how to be happy even when not in a full-on relationship (Its still an on going process)
But here's the other deal. I have pretty much ALWAYS had a guy in my life in some way, shape, or form since I was 15... This is the first time in my adult life that I have truly had the opportunity to focus on MYSELF.
I am the type of person that when I am in a relationship, I give my whole self to that person. I will always put that person's will and well being above my own. And that's how I am always going to be. And when I get married and start having children.. Game over... I will NEVER put myself first ever again.
With that, this is the first and last time in my life that I will EVER have the opportunity to selfishly and un-guiltily put myself first. Shouldn't I be able to give that opportunity to myself? But for some reason, I feel like a horrible person doing it.

I have seen and witnessed first hand what its like when parents live their lives without ever having put themselves first - *** Please let me acknowledge, some people or parents do not have this choice, and some people choose unselfishly to not take this road. And yes, in many instances they are still an INCREDIBLE parent - I am grateful and in admiration of these people.
But also, that being said, I feel like if we have the opportunity, if given, to have a period in our lives where we only focus on ourselves, we should take it. In the other non-rare instances I have witnessed, I feel like those I have seen are better parents, more patient, more giving, and once again - more patient-when they have had periods in their life to mainly focus on themselves.
I feel like not a lot of people realize this, and that's why there are a lot of lazy parents out there and an over abundance in lack of respect and human regard. More and more I see selfish children and selfish parents which rear a new generation of un-respectable people. Harsh, but this is how I feel, and I apologize if this offends.



I want to be the best wife, mother, friend, and servant that I can be. And for me- personally - I feel like taking this given opportunity to fully focus on myself is what will make me a better person in the future. Should I feel guilty about this? Because I don't want to, but sometimes I do. And it weighs heavy on my heart, and I know that this choice can hurt others, which makes me second guess. I'm at a crossroads and don't know how to proceed.

Photo Dump Confessions

So I have noticed lately that I haven't really been sharing a lot about my life and have only been writing about certain topics. I am sorry for that. I really want to you to be able to get to know me and not just the side I choose to show.

So as of late:

-Work is really my life. It's pretty much all I do lately with some randomness thrown in between. I have been crazy stressed lately to the point of not sleeping, breaking out, and being a bipolar case but I am finally getting settled into this new position I have. I have been learning a ton and it has been a blessing to learn SO MUCH while still new to the corporate world. Expanding my experience and knowledge base will be a huge asset in the future.

-My Heart has issues. I don't know what I want right now and that scares me. I know that in the future I want to be married and have children, there's no compromising on that. But I am at a point in my life where I am finally TRULY doing the "me" thing, and I love it. I do too much for others and not enough for myself. I will never have this opportunity again for the rest of my life, so I am taking the opportunity now even though its frowned upon by certain people around me who wish I would just pop out babies already.

-I don't know if I can work in Corporate America for the rest of my career. I'm good at it, I enjoy it, but it is SO easy to lose sight of the important things in life while being here. I want to work to live, not live to work.

- I got a roommate! Timara is finally living with me and I absolutely love it. I love that I don't get annoyed with her, we can have a crazy night out or low key night in and its always the best. It's nice to be able to have an intelligent conversation with her and talk about gossip (we all do). She is my honorary, *non-romantic, significant other.

-Is it sad that down the road I want my husband to just take care of me without me having to worry about work? Outside of being a stay at home mom, I do want hobbies and side projects that bring in income, but I don't want a 9-5 when I'm married after the first few years. But I am willing to do my part.

- My whole life I have felt a burden that my future family will depend on me financially and it stresses me out to the point of daily anxiety.

-I find myself wanting the past back even though I know it's not right, at least now, and know that its not healthy for me.

-I hate living with Meniere's Disease. I have had to completely change my lifestyle. I never know when an attack will come and that just adds on more stress. Sometimes I am SO mad about it, but I have to remember that if this is the only thing I have to go through right now, I have it SO easy and am so lucky and blessed.

-I always feel under-appreciated.

-I'm completely happy and complacent in life right now. Life is good and wonderful in the most imperfect way.




1. Spencer's Scout Pinewood Derby race 2. My best guy friends in a nutshell 3. My beautiful goddaughter Kaiya


1. Sick day 2. 200 followers! wow! 3. Sick day 4. Compliments of my 8 year old brother

Happy Tuesday! Hope you enjoyed this session of Photo Dump Confessions.

Come to the Dark Side and a confession

So I finally gave into my screaming inner alter ego and went to the dark side. Thank you for everyone's comments and advice on my deliberation. As the change of a new season has come, change for myself was also needed.



So please tell me what you think!
Yes the blonde was fun, attention grabbing, and more me, but I am really liking this for right now. Change is good. I have heard completely mixed reviews from "Ah! I love it!" to... "Um... Please go back blonde." Once spring rolls around again, I am sure I will go back to the bubbly blonde.
It is so wierd how much a simple thing like a haircut or color change can change how you feel about yourself or your perceptions. Have you ever had that happen? Even down to a new outfit or other less drastic changes.



****I also want to say THANK YOU for everyone's sweet and amazing comments about my knee! WOW. Seriously everyone, thank you! I have read each and every single one of your comments and you have no idea how much they have helped me get through the hard days of this adjusment period. It's so easy to have little self pity moments but you guys have kept me positive.

Seriously... many self pity moments. But at the end of the day this is just a hiccup and in the grand scheme of things, I have so much more to be grateful for. Like the ability to walk or go up stairs for one. Not to mention, what a great conversation starter crutches are. It's so sad.
I also want to say thanks to everyone for taking a moment of your day to stop by this blog. I really started commiting to it a couple weeks ago and it is such a good release for everything. I truly enjoy getting to stop by your space that's all yours and read about your life, successes, trials, love of whatever, and just getting to know you.
Every comment and new follower seriously makes my day. So I hope we can grow this little blog and I look forward sharing more things with you guys!

And dont forget about the Giveaway! Enter now!

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