Reality

So here's the deal. I lied... In Part.. Yes, I have been busy getting acquainted with my new position but I also have been dealing with a lot of hard things the past few months that have made me want to just escape and retreat. There have been so many thoughts and feelings stirring inside myself that I don't even know how to begin to verbalize. There are a lot of truths that i have had to come to terms with lately that were and still are hard for me to admit. Some have just shaken me and will need more time.

In time, I hope I will be able to share them with you. Put it out into the universe. My life and the truth that makes it. I guess, in part, it has been hard because I want so badly for someone to just ask to make it easier. But that's not how the truth always works. Sometimes the hardest part about the truth is just bringing it up because until spoken, it is just a lie that is secretly waiting beneath your skin to be made a truth.

 "A lie is just a twisted truth that goes untold for too long". 

I don't mean to be dramatic. I am not looking for sympathy, pity, or even a twinge of hurt on my behalf. I am not looking to strike curiosity, seek attention, or spark a support campaign. I just am looking to be honest with myself and put it out there before I retreat in the moments when the choice is given. Sometimes the choices occur with loved ones nearby. But more often than not, it comes when we actually have to take it into action. I have come to learn that Truth is also an action. It is a process.

There are good days, bad days, hard days, hard moments and painful ones. But it's just a bad or hard day. Not a bad life.

So please be patient with me. To those of you who still read and actively follow, or for those who just happened to stop by. I am SO incredibly grateful for you and hope you continue to let me know that you are still there. It helps me in my moments of weakness and loneliness. I am beginning the process to put everything out into the universe. And I stick to what I always say, that its easier to tell a complete stranger your deepest secrets than it is to tell those who know you best, though many of them read this. Thank you to all who do reach out, it has and will always mean more than you could ever imagine. I will get it all out, eventually...

 

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